Friendship Day Mush.

Dear Ex-Best Friend,

As you had known me since a long long time, you knew I was horrible when it came to dealing with losing people, and even though the world was unable to see what that did to me or was doing to me, you always could sense it :) Best Friend things right? I don't know what you are upto, I don't get to give you random calls to just say 'Hi' or say nothing at all, and I don't get to post random things on your wall because I just wanted to and now there's no one to irritate me to the extent that I'd hit them with whatever I have in my hand. I get to see your activity once in a while, and I smile and sigh at times reading a few things, or when someone else comes up and tells me about what you're doing, I go back to the time, when I would make sure you were the first person to know even the most stupid thing that happened with me. I hope whatever you are doing is giving you the happiness that you felt whenever you would see a bollywood movie that had SRK! :D I hope you do what we spoke about in our 2am conversations !  Yes, I would have been happier if you would still have been around you know, Since you definitely uncomplicated life for me, but C'est la vie.

Dear Best Friend, 

I am surprised and glad because you’ve managed to stick around with someone who’s at times erratic, complex, lost and at the same time focused, decisive, sorted. I lose my cool more often than I should, I say things which I don't mean, and I will continue to do so, because I know, even if I do that, I can wake up the next morning and text you and you will understand, like you always do, even without words, and I don't know how you do it. I don't know how over a text message you can guess that things aren't fine. I can't keep anything from you, it's impossible. If I don't tell you, I cannot be at peace :P Because of which now you know too much, and hence I can't afford to lose you.

Know that I'll fuck up, a lot, but I will keep sending you mushy text messages, give you tight hugs, write you long letters and emails, do a lot of PDA, and no matter what happens, I shall always pick you up when you fall, and then go kill the person who made you fall! :D Stay, I need you, always. :) 

Dear New Friend/Acquaintance/Stranger, 

You are just around the corner, about to enter my bubble where something or the other keeps happening, life will never feel dull, because well, that’s how it’s supposed to be, or may be that’s how my life has always been and will be. I don't know if we will stay friends for days, months, years etc but I know if we hit it off, be sure that it's gonna be a happy crazy ride, and there'll be arguments, disagreements and miscommunications, but talking almost always resolves it. Call, Text, Shout, Fight, but don't just walk away, I can try to stop you but I cannot force you to stay :)

Dear You, (More than a friend, NOT) 

I will run out of time if I sit down to write what you've added to my life, and what you meant and always will mean to me. You taught me what hope really is, you taught me to fly and detach myself from reality and in the end you taught me how to safely land and be alright. Experiencing the range of emotions so intensely, learning to weave memories without capturing them via electronic devices, learning about something new each day, running to you and finding peace, finding home, I wouldn't trade that for anything and I wouldn't alter this even though it was flawed.

Though the shift from being my go-to-person and my backbone to nothing at all, made my life go for a toss but oh the strength that it brought along. I don't know what you are doing, which is sad and strange, but I hope you are doing what you wished to, and that you're happy, the happy where your smile reached your eyes, the happiness that good food got ! :) Thank you for being the selfless person that you were. Saying that I miss you is an understatement.

Dear all of the above,

What we were, What we are, What we will be doesn’t matter, because whoever you were you’ve added something to my life. 

I can’t promise you that I will be the best out of the friends that you have, because I falter, a lot, I get angry, a lot, I tend to zone out, a lot, but, I will always care, a lot, give you random hugs, a lot, write to you, a lot and I will fight for you and with you, a lot.

I can promise you that if ever you run out of people to go to, let me know and I shall not disappoint you, your secrets will go to my grave and even though I am as naive as you are, but together we'll find solutions to life's biggest problems. I promise to be the shoulder and the arms both and the one friend who will get drunk with you and who will get you drunk :) Wingwoman, Counsellor, Partner-in-crime, Entertainer; you name it and I can be that! :D 

Love, Hugs and Kisses,

Yours, 

(Hate Being Customised) Divya

xx

We Don't Repair, We Replace.

No matter how hard you try, sometimes you drift apart from your closest people, sometimes even the longest of friendships end. Time loses its essence. Emotions take a back seat. Ego rules your head and heart. Your priorities are different. This way, what could have still been saved, may be with an effort or two, falls apart.

We are a generation that replaces, that doesn't repair, that doesn't try, because we are busy in the race of life. We are too cool, too rigid, with "I don't give a fuck" attitude, and we are too confident that, we can find other people who will be so much better than these stupid people who once were an inseparable part of our life. We break up on text messages, we end friendships by a whatsapp message followed by un-friending, unfollowing on every social media portal. I mean, seriously? Texts, the most fucked up form of communication that only and solely causes confusion and communication gaps!

I am not saying, keep chasing, keep running behind that person, but at least give it one shot? Drop them a text, place a call, and talk, try to figure it out. I know it's easy to find yourself new cool chaps to hang out with, go grab a drink with, and dance the weekend away, but don't you think for all the times you people were there for each other when no one else was, do you think you'll be able to find someone; who you'll run to when your heart is breaking, who you'll run to when you need to approach that guy you've been crushing since forever, someone who you want to share every tiny detail of your day, who you run to when you need those arms to heal you, who you'll call when you have no words to explain what's happening in your head and heart. I think, "your person" should be given one chance, what you shared should be given one chance. The numerous emotions, memories, etc deserve one chance?

Things wither away, but this, what you have, what you share, is not just a THING. I am not at all talking about all the romantic relationships, I am talking about those friendships that worn out, that just change due to no reasons, when people from talking to all day, go to few times in a day, to few times in a week and so on, and then they reach this awkward phase where even if they wish to talk, they dont. They just let go. Letting go may have become easier, because there are so many ways you can keep yourself distracted and occupied, that we dont even give it one chance?

Misunderstandings, Miscommunications, Assumptions and in all this drama, forgetting to listen to the other person. Sigh. What happened to the times, when you gave each other numerous chances and came out stronger? Trusted each other even more? Made promises to never leave even when you feel like hating each other, because you loved each other more than all the hate?

It amazes me, It will always amaze me, how easily we humans, drift apart, sometimes without a word, sometimes with just "one word texts", sometimes by being blocked. How easily we replace, how easily we just let it go,how easily we give up on each other. How we just dont bother about anyone else but our own self?

Love.
D.
xx

The Name's Negi, Sangya Negi.

I run out of words to describe what this girl is to me.
Ray of sunshine on a dark night, source of happiness when everything is gloomy, peace when there’s CHAOS; always successful in reading my mind and heart :D. The name’s Negi, SANGYA NEGI!
<3 p="">
July 2011, distressed, sad, lost. I was dreading the college admissions. I see this girl in Red (Oh Red was her favourite colour back then, it’s GIRLY PINK now), She’s trying to figure out something, came to my father asking questions and we start talking, exchange numbers. That day, I hadn’t thought she would become what she has become now to me. Last minute admission and this gift wrapped in Red with a scarf around (Little soul is always having cold :P) , she brought back what was lost since long, she brought back me to life, and so, she’s LIFE.
Sometimes you meet someone and in that one meeting , be it just a few minutes or hours, you feel so close and you open so fast that even you don’t realise how it happened. With you, I could share anything and everything. Conversations, those few conversations made me realise, “arey ye mere jaisi hai” ! :D

This girl is my confidant, my lifeline, my saviour, my partner in crime, back bone, counsellor, one person who would never ever judge me, one person who would be okay even if I tell her I murdered someone :D
Need advice, go to her. Need food at 12, Sangya will cooook. Need anything, just say Sangya and the thing is there. You fairy! :*

You’ve showered me enough love to last forever, you’ve seen me at my worst(LITERALLY MY WORST) and you’ve still loved me unconditionally, you’ve made me have faith, you’ve made me survive HNLU (TOUGHEST THING EVER), you’ve made me feel special, you’ve saved me from so many things, you’ve taken care of me like no one else, you’ve tolerated my hunger anger, you’ve made me believe that some people don’t leave you ever, you’ve given me another family that loves me dearly, and you’ve given me reasons to LIVE, when I had all the reasons to not (atleast I thought so at that time :D )

Sangya, in these five years of college life, the one thing that I am thankful to college for is YOU. Had you not been here, I wouldn’t have survived college and life. I can go on and on, because you woman deserve it all.
With chaos in your life, you handle things so beautifully, that I end up loving you more and then how can I miss mentioning your rib-crushing hugs!
Thank you , Thank you for being YOU. Thank you for being there. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me a better person everyday. Thank you for letting me be who I am, yet letting me become a better human being every single day. :*

I love you way to much to write it down in words.

Tum na hoti toh zindagi adhuri hoti. :)

So, as you turn older, I wish that your heart’s deepest desires are fulfilled, may your skin become flawless, and teeth remain intact, may your hair be frizz-free, and may the food you eat never makes you gain weight! :P
And I hope every time you make a wish, somewhere there’s a shooting star that makes sure that it comes true!

Happpy Birthdayyy Womaniya! :*
Go eat the entire cake, and start thinking of what the cake for Birthday '17 would be! :P

My Jigar ka Tukda :*

 

Hostel, Us and Pictures <3 td="">

Lovee

xx

REGRETS.

I have always believed in having no regrets. Simply because it's pointless. You did something you wanted to, and its done, you did it because you wanted to, you took a decision, DEAL with it.

I remember reading somewhere, follow your heart, do what it says, and then don't worry about what follows. I did it. There are reasons why I have kept emotions away, far away. They just fuck things up. They screw up everything. This time I took a chance, a chance to let the heart unbend, letting all the walls down, accepting what the heart felt, and the biggest blunder of confessing it. I never thought I would regret any decision I will take. I have made huge mistakes, been foolish, stupid, immature , but this time I just followed my heart, I accepted what it felt and let it out, and I regret it. 

I have never really accepted, what my biggest weakness is, and it is losing people. Nothing in this world can hurt me like losing a person, no matter how , no matter why, it just breaks me down to bits, and then another phase of where I want to hide begins. I remember following my heart  before doing best things for a wrong person, and I still never regretted them. 

This feeling is horrible. This feeling of regret. I wish I could undo things, I wish I could just go back and delete that time and make things as they were, happy and simple. Since when did it become so difficult to just accept that someone likes you and you dont, and be normal like you were.

If this is what happens , if you follow your heart, I swear, never in my life I am doing that. Its best when you suppress and kill your emotions and feelings, you harm no one but yourself, but this feeling of unintentionally hurting someone and then to top it losing them is the CRAPPIEST ever. Rejection doesn't hurt, but this feeling, losing a friend, and knowing somewhere because of this stupid heart you've unintentionally hurt the person you felt for , THIS HURTS. 

Never thought I would regret something as beautiful as this feeling, but I regret feeling for you, I regret ever writing it out, I regret every fucking thing this fucked up heart ever felt. I regret these emotions. And I swear to kick them out , and never to feel anything, because its best. BE A RUTHLESS , HEARTLESS BITCH.

Make me disappear, before this feeling ends up killing me. Just don't let me be found. I am strong but I don't have the strength or the courage to go through this anymore. 

COURAGE, Dear Heart.

Give a thought to dying. You are walking on the road and a bus hits you and you're gone. Just imagine the things that die with you; a kind word, a hidden feeling, a thought to share and so much more. There are things you wish to say, but you don't. But time flies, today you're here, tomorrow you won't be. Missing a chance to say what's in your heart and dying with it would suck. It would be worse than being turned down, worse than not being loved back, or let's say worse than not getting the desired reaction to your thoughts and feelings.

Living with the regret of saying something is better than dying with the regret of not saying it. Expression they say is not that easy for everyone. It isn't for me either, but that shouldn't stop you from indulging in that. Write it on a letter, email it, text it, voice record it, if you cannot say it in person. But say what you wish to. Say what your heart feels. Let your head follow your heart, because like Paulo Coelho said, the heart knows everything. No matter what the consequences are, let the love inside you reach who it is for. When you can be so clear and loud about how you dislike something in someone or how you react when someone irritates you, why not be vocal about the appreciation or admiration or love that you have for someone. :)

Why not say it loud and clear that, you love someone's smile, or voice, or gestures, or how you look up to them, or how madly and irrevocably you are falling for them, or how you like to spend time with them, or how deeply they have affected your life, or how much they matter?

Tough? Indeed. It's tougher than most of the things you've done; nothing makes you weaker than these thoughts that are only in your head, because they need to reach a destination. I can assure you whatever happens post that, would be better than 'what ifs'! It's not about just getting them out of your system.

Dont you think, if you had the courage to fall in love, courage to feel all the emotions so deeply, or the courage to let someone have an impact on your life, courage to let someone break those walls and enter your heart; You should have the courage to speak all of it, and let them know how you feel! And why not, who wouldn't like few kind words being spoken about them? :) 

I cannot guarantee that it'll make you feel better, it might just not be in your favour, may be you goof up, may be it is not like the way you wanted it to be, may be it is exactly how you didnt want it to be, may be you are at the losing end, but like I said before, Live with the regret of saying it, rather that living with the regret of not even knowing what it could be? And what if, it turns out to be like you wanted it to be, or even in a more beautiful way or what if you find your fairytale? 

You gotta make a wish, work towards it, fight for it, and life shall definitely surprise you in the most beautiful way possible! Say it, dont keep your words in your heart, no matter what degree of introvert you are, or you are a scared introvert your words gotta reach the person they are for! 

HAVE THE COURAGE, Dear Heart!

Say it, Say it out Loud. What happens next is not something you or anyone can control! :)

Love

xx

Of Mornings, Next to You.

As the light begins to pour in,
Through the filters of the curtains,
I am awake for a brief while.
He's still asleep,

The sun is streaming in gently,
I climb up our legs, entwined.
I squint against the light,
Shutting my eyes tight,
I bury my face in my favourite place,
Between your head and your shoulder ; the perfect sculpted space.

The warmth of your closeness,
The rhythm of the breath in your chest,
Make me fall in sleep again.
I breathe in your morning fragrance,
I let sleep take over..
Love felt, unexpressed, kept for later.

I reach out to feel your stubble against my palm,
And put my fingers through your hair.
Your body so calm,
Your soul bare.

Waking up next to you is so bewildering,
It takes me a while to know that I ain't dreaming.
Your innocent face, your half smile, the lashes of your still shut eyes, those tiny dark circles because of lack of sleep.
How vulnerable, yet desirable you look when asleep.

The way you caress, the way you pull me closer,
Your sometimes arousing, your sometimes calming whisper.
What more I wonder, would heaven be?

This, a reality far beautiful than a dream could ever be.


Love.

xx

To 2015, With Love.

Sometimes Home is a place , sometimes it is a person, this Home is a place with specific people.
Dilli, 2015 has been my highlight of this year. You know how every year you want to make it a better year, have zillion things to do, lists, places, resolutions; and end of the year you have hardly done anything. 2015 is my favourite year since 1992. I have met a lot of people randomly, and sometimes they are around for a while, sometimes they are not. This set of random people, are the ones, I am not letting go off for the rest of my life, that's how deeply they've touched my heart and affected my life.

John Green said, "The marks that human leaves are most often scars." Not ALWAYS. Never ever. Sometimes what people leave you with are marks of happiness, that can brighten up a sad day. You can rewind think of that one night when you felt happiness like you've never before. Those nights, Those days, Those moments are the ones that don't need pictures to be reminded of, they never fade away, they're right there in your head, and you'll time and again have a flash of them, and you'll be smiling, feeling the same happiness you felt that very night. Crazy right? :)

Sometimes, you bump into people who make you feel at home, who give you so much happiness, who give you warmth, who give you reality checks, who make you become a better person, but who don't judge you , people you can be YOU with, people you can rely on, people who'll probably not call you , text you, meet you often, but then when you meet them, it's like you've never separated.

I found home in House Number 48, Hauz Khas Village, Delhi-110006, and these three people who when mentioned will always bring a HUGE GRIN on my face. The one thing common in them , you can slit open your heart and mind and it's effortless. It's as smooth as the most expensive scotch. These are three different personalities, but when together I don't think there's a moment when I am not smiling, even if I am not smiling, my heart is happy, at peace and trying to absorb all the zillion things happening, so that later whenever I feel that, life isn't happy, I can remember these three, laughing, dancing, drinking, and I instantly feel better. They are the light that one needs on a dark gloomy night, or the last drop of water when there's drought.

2015, gave me three people, I'd never want to lose. None of them are similar to each other, all of them have something to give you, to teach you, and they'll add to your life in their own different ways. They are my doze of happiness, hope, laughter, fun, lessons, and everything else.

You know how reading an old conversation fills you up with happiness, that's the happiness I get when I am thinking of these three. I am smiling, remembering how they laugh out their heart and that image is my favourite. :)

So, 2015, to the year that you were, you've been kind, and I cannot thank you enough for giving me three gifts, wrapped up in different wrappings, each one being irreplaceable, each one being close to my heart, each one being as beautiful as the other.

Thanking you from the deepest corner of my heart for every memory , for every happiness, for everything that I have missed thanking you for. Thank you Shashi, Gaurav, Deepika :)

Some people take you to a place, where you've never been, where no one else can take you. You guys are the ones who do that. :)
STAY ALWAYS.

Love, Hugs and Kisses.

Divya
xx